However much we think it wrong, at some point we all experience feeling jealous or envious. Although natural to feel, they are not positive emotions and can do us more harm than good, if we’re not careful. Before considering how to overcome jealousy and envy, we should distinguish between both emotions because they are different.
Often, the word “jealousy” is used when “envy” is more appropriate. Envy is when someone else has something you want but don’t have. Jealousy is experienced when we feel we might lose something we already have. This can occur in relationships, when one of the partners feels the other partner might be lost to another person.
If you want to overcome these emotions, first you should work out which one of them you are feeling. For example, if you see your partner talking with someone, jealousy is most often an indication of an insecurity, which triggers a fear that you could lose them. You might also feel envy if the person your partner is talking to, has better looks than you. It’s worth spending some time to get clear on which of these two emotions you’re feeling, or is it both of them?
A 1994 study suggested there may be a difference between jealousy in men and women. It found men were concerned about loss, but women were more concerned with the effects of infidelity. So, what causes jealousy? Remember, it’s fearing we may lose something to someone else. Why are they more likely to take it from you? Why can’t you just keep it? Probably most important, why are they more worthy to have it than you, particularly because it’s yours anyway?
Do you see where this questioning is going? It’s to show that your mind is honing-in on an insecurity deep within you. If you feel your not good enough to hold onto what’s yours, above someone else, it’s not that they are better than you, it’s more likely you have low-esteem.
If someone has success at something and we don’t, it can cause us to feel jealous. It’s as though they’ve taken it from us. This happens if you have a “lack or scarcity mindset” – they have it, so you can’t. Feeling in this way will also turn up in all areas of your life, because it’s where you’re putting your focus. You become what you think about!
On the face of it, envy sounds like a very negative emotion, it’s almost an ugly word. Feeling envious of someone is usually about their success compared to yours, or what they have, and you don’t. You compare yourself to them and it may make you feel inferior. This can also be related to an insecurity deep within you.
As with jealousy, envy can come from a scarcity mindset, which may have been programmed into you at an early age. As a child, I was taught to not leave the water running while cleaning my teeth. That way, less water would be wasted, and every little amount saved would mean the water bill would be smaller. That makes sense, but it might also help to form a scarcity mindset. We need to save water because we can’t afford to pay too much for it.
The fact that envy is related to comparison and competition with others, it can have an influence on how you behave. It might make you work harder to achieve and to get to where the person you envy is. It’s almost a positive effect from envy, but not always. If it spurs you on to achieve, that’s great, but if the reason is to get one over on the other person, then perhaps that’s not so good. Learning how to stop being envious of others will take some work.
Overcoming Jealousy and Envy
Even though they are different, to overcome jealousy and envy is pretty much the same for both. First, let’s deal with the lack, or scarcity mindset. Find out why you function by that. It’s probably inherited from a parent or another adult from your childhood. Once you have the answer, it becomes easier to work at creating an abundance mindset. When you can see and feel abundance, it’s harder to be jealous or envious because there’s plenty for everyone. You have what you want, as well as the other person.
Insecurity can create jealousy and to a lesser extent, envy. If you can identify the insecurity and where it came from, you can work at overcoming it. Once you do this, you’ll probably no longer feel jealousy because you’re more confident. It’s not easy to reverse an insecurity, but the first step is knowing why you feel it. Using Law of Attraction exercises can help by reaching your subconscious and changing negative beliefs you have about yourself.
You know that both these emotions send a vibration out to the universe that you’re not good enough, which means you’ll get more of that coming back to you. Try practising gratitude about yourself and others. You have much to be grateful for, so focus on that. Turn jealousy or envy into gratitude – be grateful you’ve seen through someone else, how you want to be, can be and will be. Use them as an example, because it’s not them making you feel inadequate, it’s you!
Now You Can Overcome Jealousy and Envy
Once you realize that although you might have these feelings about someone else, really, they are about you and how you feel about yourself. By allowing these feelings to exist, you’re reinforcing negative aspects within. Your subconscious will pick up on it and in true loyal form, will do its best to give you more of it.
Acknowledge that it’s natural to sometimes feel jealousy and envy, so don’t feel bad about it, otherwise that “bad” feeling will get amplified. It’s about getting to the root of the cause, which can be difficult to admit.
Put your focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have. This forces positive feelings – remember, negative feelings do not bring about positive outcomes. If someone has what you want, don’t begrudge them, feel happy for them. It will make you feel better about yourself, because this really isn’t about them is it? Of course not, it’s about you, and if you’re feeling good about you, you’re on the way to overcome jealousy and envy.